Monday, January 11, 2010

New and Improved! E-Z to Use! Now with R.I.N. !!!

Just a silly post, why not? Answers are below.
More quizzy questions? Add them to the Reader Interaction Network!!! (previously known as Comment Form, but now part of our New Focus on Service).

1. When a box of cookies says, "Now better Flavor!" it means:
a. They have added more vanilla.
b. They have added more oil.
c. All of the above.

2. "Now Value-Priced!" means;
a. We tried to get you to pay $9.99 for this pack of socks but couldn't move the merchandise.
b. This $6.99 sale price is temporary until the $9.99 stickers arrive from the warehouse.
c. We plan to lull you with the old price while jacking up the new price.
d. All of the above.

3. "Contains No Trans-Fats!" means:
a. We can't sell this in New York anymore, so we switched to some fat that is equally obnoxious.
b. Because we had to change our production, this now costs 35 cents more per unit.
c. We like to do right by our valued customers.

4. A sandwich is said to be "artisanal" when:
a. Bricklayers put it together;
b. The cheese does not fit the shape of the bread
c. It costs an extra $3.00 for ham on rye.

5. "Part of a Healthy Family Diet" means:
a. It's the same bad stuff, only in a green box, so don't worry about serving the unfamiliar.
b. It contains a full day's fiber and vitamins if you eat twenty-six servings.
c. It should be supplemented with watermelon, cucumbers, and brown rice.
Answers: 1 (b), vanilla is expensive; 2. (d), caveat emptor; 3. (a) prices may go up, but the real issue is misdirection; 4. (c), 'nuff said; 5 (a. or b.) depending on color of box.


Edith Bunker said...

Don't forget the always amusing "all natural" and "organic", both pretty meaningless, but they seem to be splashed on every package-- the package itself boasting 2% recycled materials. tiresome.

Ann T. said...

Dear Mrs. Bunker,
I forgot about that one! Here in DC we are now paying a nickel per grocery bag. I can understand that (barely) but not the dollar bags made of bad material and poor stitching that don't last either.

However, I tremble to think the DC city council will start mandating "stitch per inch" on reusable grocery bags.

Thanks for writing in!
Ann T.

Gia's Spot said...

Heh.. I didn't get any right!! I feel stoopid.. I think I will start a class action law suit against this blog for ...for.. Well I am sure I can find an attorney who will find something.. Oh psychologically you damaged me, that's it! And the scarring can be seen as a physical entity on a pet scan of my brain, which I am sure I could get Mrs Dr Bunker to do for me for a small fortune sent to a numbered account in a Swiss city?
Whew I am exhausted after running all those sentences together!!
Have a good day, Ann T ! Thanks for stopping by and checking in!

Slamdunk said...

I can just see some marketing superstar closing a long meeting with the conclusion that your #3 makes.

Ann T. said...

Dear Gia,
Please don't sue me! i think it is all the refined sugars and additives from years of marketed food that have done you in. And alas, the money you would get would not get as far as Switzerland.

Dear Slam,
You know, now that you mention it, I see exactly what you mean. I've been inculcated with the speech, if not the additives. I need some deprogramming!!!

Thanks for writing in!
Now eating artisanal sandwich,

Ann T.

Bob G. said...

What really cheeses me off is that "everyone" says we should ALL eat HEALTHIER...
But then WHY is all that "healthy" food SO damn expensive?

(hint - being broke WILL cause one to lose weight, but is not recommended as a dietary supplement)

Good post.

Ann T. said...

Bob G,
To answer that question, i may have to climb on a soapbox and talk about Congressional pork in the Farm Bill, which has so many loopholes it could be mistaken for a sweater! It subsidizes Coca Cola suppliers (corn syrup0 and leaves the healthy food unsubsidized.

Naturally our bipartisan response is to clamor for equal subsidization instead of less subsidization. Give me a break!

you're right--
Ann T.