Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Dispatch from the Zombie War

Classification: Top Secret.
communication intercepted by agent of the CBIA(Condo Board Intelligence Agency) from zombie dispatch sent yesterday

To: Zombie General (redacted)
From: Zombie Boss
In Re: Situation at Condo Office Basement
estimable sir we require reinforcements now must wear gas masks against continuing onslaught of Breath of Fresh Air stop Zombie Sparks of Resentment mortars ineffective stop Confusion Dust has only temporary effect stop Zombie Assistant wailing and moaning twenty-four seven afraid of blasts from Freeze Ray and possibly The Axe
Hathaway forces outflanked us at Third Party Accounting Firm has now breached the third floor accounts advance guard working on fourth floor stop 
supply of Bullshit getting low stop tends to disintegrate in face of Common Sense stop signs of Hathaway Laughter Ray appearing soon also Annoyance creeping up stop what do we do next please advise
Well, that sums it up. I'm almost done with the third floor accounts. Five floors to go. I met with the third party accountants and asked how things should go, what they recommend, and how we were going to handle the seriously past-due. None of it was rocket science. In fact, it is all things that it looks like the zombies used to do and then dropped from sheer disinterest.

So, after the meeting with the accountants, I met with Zombie Boss. At the end of the meeting, his lip curled. He said, (and I paraphrase)

"The Board is going to have to take a serious look at the cost-benefit analysis of running financials methodically. If it takes too much time, they may want to come up with another solution."

It was all I could do not to laugh.

"That's a wonderful idea," I told him. "I think you should figure that out. I'm sure the Board would be very interested to know."

He told me that he was working with Zombie Assistant, training her, and I was not to interfere. Hey, been trying to get him to do that since November of 2008.

Today I sent him a note, copy President, that he should definitely add up those costs and benefits. Then I pointed out that I had taken all the time-consuming tasks off his hands, to give him a 'temporary space' to institute procedures. I followed that up with a request to meet with Zombie Assistant, as I have some particular questions and want them answered right away. We could meet Friday or Tuesday.

He did not answer me all day, so I sent another note at 4:45 p.m.--I guess we're meeting Friday, then.
Smack, zam! I received a note saying Tuesday would be good.  ROFL!!!
I've got these zombies on the run--


The Observer said...

Oh Ann T!

"Onslaught of Fresh Air" "Hathaway forces out flanked us" ROTFLMHO!

Go get'em Tiger!!

The Observer

Slamdunk said...

Great post Ann T. I am glad that you are finding creative ways to laugh at the otherwise you might be punching holes in your condo walls.

Unknown said...

In the end when you "fix" the zombie screw ups are you gonna get a party thrown for you or what??? After all your gonna find billions of past due monies right??

Great telegram. Had me rolling!! :D

Bob G. said...

I'm sorry, but THIS stuff deserves it's OWN show on DISCOVERY or HISTORY channel...ROFLMAO!

Love the visuals...brilliant!

Just be careful if Obama decides to appoint a Condo-Zombie CZAR...!

(yer gonna need a really huge BFG

The Bug said...

I LOVE reading about the Zombie skirmishes! I know you're doing actual work - but it's great fun to read.

Ann T. said...

Dear Slamdunk,
My husband used to tell me if you can summon up the laugh, you can win. I always have to work at that. But you are right about the perseverance. It is paying off. Thanks for all the good advice.

Dear peedee,
No, I'm not going to get a party! Are you cra-Z?

The other Board members will be grateful in public and secretly miffed that so much time is taken up by Board matters. We have a ton going on, but I have to get some approvals out of them (don't want to decide the money alone! yikes!). I am trying to not be the straw that breaks their backs.

They are dealing with the pit bull, the vacant camper, the police report, the hot water changeover . . . ick . . . we are a busy board. We need a manager who isn't a zombie!

Thanks though, champagne sound pretty good!

Ann T.

Ann T. said...

Dear The Observer,
Believe me, I did outflank them at Third Party! In fact, I took that position CompLEATly without a shot fired! Well, maybe a few opening salvos . . .

Dear Bob,
I will need BFG this Tuesday, plus a stack of two-part forms, where I make Zombie Assistant write down why she forgave oodles of money w/o authority and willy nilly, per case, so that the ledgers will have backup and the Board can view the inconsistency and authorize it after the fact. (!)

Thwack, Zammm-chow!

Ann T.

Dear The Bug,
Next Tuesday evening, I will post another zombie game score, or dispatch from the trenches, you may be sure!

Thanks to everybody for writing in!
All of you are my supply chain confidence!
Ann T.

meleah rebeccah said...

and this is exactly why I am so happy I am NO LONGER employed by Corporate America!

Ann T. said...

Dear Meleah,
Yes, there's definitely an up side for you for that! However, chirp in any time with a piece of advice!
Ann T.

Capt. Schmoe said...

Rage on Ann T, Rage on! Do not stop until thy enemy is slain. Slain past any chance of reincarnation in any form!

BobKat said...

Fascinating and intriguing... you are talented, Ann T.

Ann T. said...

Dear Captain Schmoe,
The Zombies keep trying to out flank me, but they are not going to win.

With luck, they will shamble no more! Thanks for the encouragement.

Ann T.

Thanks for the support!
Ann T.