Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Congratulations on your New Office, E.B.!

Dear Electronic Neighbor Who Has Moved into a Spiff New Office,
Surprise!!! I planned a party. All your other e-neighbors are on the way.

Ribbon Cutting
These are just the people who came in from the street, looking for the trays of free sandwiches. No worries; they will wait indefinitely, so long as you show them where the bathroom is. The platinum blonde says, don't worry about the scissors for the ribbon: she's got it handled. The guy on the right is one of the caterers. He needs to borrow some Desenex powder if you have any.

We should have a band. Unfortunately, we ran out of budget, so it's a one-man band. Don't worry, he auditioned first. And he swore he'd wear a tube top. Three of them, even. And two bow ties.

Dear kick-ass, honored e-neighbor, I know you will show up in equally kick-ass shoes, making sure everybody remains high in the instep.
Then the food. Scrumptious, healthy, and a secret stash of martinis in the records room. Just for the hostess and honoree your colleagues. I think the waterpot is a bit tacky. But then somebody will bring you an office rubber plant, and you can use the sprinkler!!!

With luck, the biggest weiner ever will not show up. Otherwise, those gladiator heels are going to get a workout.

Guest List
Everybody needs referrals. That's why I invited your colleagues, so you could network at the shindig.
Surely you remember Faccia da Culo, M.D., the well-known raconteur? He's now the head of the licensing board. We'll be very careful with Cheeky. We wouldn't want anything to go wrong.

With all this goodwill, surely business will go on much more splendidly. New clients daily.

Best Wishes on Your New Place!!!!!  

The good food was from edible arrangements dot com. One photo is from a Ripley's believe it or not convention. One is from dead insect co. I forget where the other pictures came from, but NOT from edible arrangements.


Bob G. said...

I swear most of those folks came from MY neighborhood.
(sure seems that way)

LOVE the "Mr. Squirrel" picture...
("I'm ready for my CLOSE UP, Mr. DeMille")

Remind me to get you to "cater" my 60th b'day affair, just leave the band at home...and the ribbon-cutters...and "Cheeky".

And can we substitute the world's longest HOAGIE...already got enough "weiners" in my part of town.

(oh, and bring the squirrel)


meleah rebeccah said...

I am HYSTERICAL laughing at this post! But, to be honest, I do kind of like those shoes!

Unknown said...

Fabulous! I'm on my way!!

Ann T. said...

Dear Bob,
We'll get that world's longest Hoagie and a bunch of Funnel Cakes.

We can invite some squirrels, but I thought you'd be sick of them by now!!

Just let me know. I think it's August, right? (Know my signs). I will plan a whang dang doodle for you.

Ann T.

Ann T. said...

Dear Meleah,
I am NUTS about those shoes. I want a pair. There is no place on earth that would not be better off with a woman wearing those shoes!

Thanks for stopping by!
Ann T.

Ann T. said...

Dear peedee,
Yup, stop on by and plan to stay! All the best sandwiches have been carefully kept away from Desenex Man and his Relatives.

Ann T.

Slamdunk said...

Ann T: Why did they have to mess that hot dog up with all the ketchup? I thought this party was for adults. Too funny.

Ann T. said...

Dear Slamdunk,
I don't know! i surely didn't order that thing for my friend. Her profession has enough hot dogs already.

But at the risk of losing your esteem forever, I must admit--if I can't have a chili cheese dog w/ onions, then I put ketchup and relish on my dog. umm, I put ketchup on the chili cheese dog too sometimes.

I'll get some mustard for you,
Ann T.

Anonymous said...

Brilliant! That was very clever, Ann, quite good.
My boys couldn't imagine their Mum in those heels even if I can!

Ann T. said...

Dear Kick Ass,
You know, it is past time for us to shake the boys up.
They are from Nicola Finetti.

Ann T.

Edith Bunker said...

laughed, still laughing. I am deeply honored! This will be printed and displayed.

I'm so damn tired from the move and the first official week of business (started pt's Tuesday), but so far no major problems. I'm thrilled with my new place, just need to catch my breath and get ready for the par-tay.
thanks for making my day!

Ann T. said...

Dear Mrs. Bunker,
We're so damn proud of you! The logistics must have been horrible. But you just put your feet up and I'll bring you one of those martinis.

Ann T.