Monday, May 24, 2010

Miss Ellen Affects Men

Miss Ellen and I are waiting for a light to change Green. Some man on some bicycle gives her the once-over. Then he looks at me.

"Three-speed, huh?" he says. " I never thought anyone would ride one of those anymore."

Now that he has established a Spurious Superiority, the light turns Green. He leaves on his bike, which probably had no name. That's because it had no personality.

I was temporarily peeved. Worse, Miss Ellen was somewhat deflated by this.

"Forget it, Ellen," I said, filling her tires. "You're more than a match for any bike that ever lived. After all, you have been to Amsterdam, the Himalayas, and Egypt. Not to mention our long distance runs."

I had to explain the Inferiority Complex to her.

"Ellen, the truth is, you are the perfect bike. You're the right height. Your switch gears to perfection. And your pedals are indestructible. Girlfriend, you are quality make."

That and the air put some bounce in her humps. We were now ready for Adventure.

That time we almost broke Perimeter at a Secure Installation.  A police officer took two steps toward us and spread his arms like a big bear hug.

We swerved away, just in time.

"Sorry," I called out. He was grinning at us. I told Miss Ellen he had his arms out because she was so attractive. And since that is also true, how can it be a lie?

Eight more miles that day. We are confident ladies, staying on just this side of trouble.


Bob G. said...

You tell Miss Ellen I used to own a SINGLE SPEED model...and then got a FIVE speed, and now, my current bike (Miss Kabuki) has 12 speeds (she's an oldie, but a goodie...AND a keeper).
I only used to use 3 speeds with her anyway...LOL

The fewer the gears, the fewer the problems...and besides, it's not all about the NUMBER of speeds...but the QUALITY of the GEARS.!
(and the strength of the rider)

Remember that.

Have a great week!

Ann T. said...

Dear Bob,
I also used to own a one-gear Sears bike with a kick-back brake! I loved that bike. I think one bike I have owned had five speeds (and hot pink finish, wow) but I only used three of them too! I never could get past the instructions on the ten-speeds.

Anyway, Ellen IS perfect. She is getting some bling though. I would like a mirror, for one thing. And some lights before fall, when riding may happen close to darkfall.

Miss Ellen is very interested to meet Miss Kabuki some day. She wants to know if Miss Kabuki can advise her about Japan.

I am going to use that Quality remark if this ever comes up again!

Ann T.

Slamdunk said...

Keep encouraging Miss Ellen to be herself--she sounds like a wonderful bike.

Selfishly, I am only interested in a bikes weight (when I am lifting it) and whether it fits on the bike rack--those were the two key issues in buying my son't new bike last year.

Ann T. said...

Dear Slamdunk,
That self-preservation aspect is a good one. If you're the one lifting it--and driving--how else can you have the expedition?

I picked Ellen for price and dilapidated appearance/new machinery. Bikes are a target around here. They also cost the moon and stars--over a thousand for a new one sometimes?

But she did have personality to spare--the only bike I've ever owned with a name.

And for your son, I am sure the bike is a vehicle for dreams and adventure too, whether he has named it or not.

Yes, we must be ourselves--nobody else to be, really. A good reminder!

Ann T.

The Bug said...

I love the idea of the bear hug. I'll bet you & Miss Ellen are QUITE a sight!

The Bug said...

I love the idea of the bear hug. I'll bet you & Miss Ellen are QUITE a sight!

Ann T. said...

Dear The Bug,
LOL! We are Characters, right? In search of a Play.

We would have thrown ourselves into that hug, but I don't think Miss Ellen wanted to be Confiscated!!! And the Pokey is Out--just flat No.

Thanks for stopping in!
Ann T.

The Observer said...

Ann T:
LOL! and to the comments, too.

Watch out around those "Secure Installations". They might figure out that you are quite subversive, and you hang out with other subversive people, and...well...we wouldn't want you to "disappear".

Ride Safe!

The Observer

Ann T. said...

Dear The Observer,
I get the best comments ever on this blog, I swear.

As for me being subversive, shhhhhh! Why else would I follow all the rules, lady friend?

Ann T.