Friday, August 27, 2010

Living Proof

Well, you might remember I had an appointment to go through the twisted four years of estate planning, taxes, and medical emergencies--the paper relics that I couldn't quite deal with. Two and a half hours, four boxes, one grocery bag later . . . . Dan and I had made four and 3/4 boxes for the trash, plus half of a trash can.

Before that, I had the closet mostly worked out. I cleaned the small closet, too. I cleared on my desk and my chairs, other parts of the house as necessary to reorganize how this was going to work.

I need two boxes, one small, one medium, both for memorabilia. That will be fun. I'm basically done.

I found more letters. Dan found them, actually. He said, "Did you donate books to the library?"
I had to think about it. I said, "Yeah, the Resident's lounge, I took them my husband's professional books. They didn't have any."

There were a couple of other thank-you letters.

He said, "You did all the right things. You don't need these any more." He threw the letters away.

Two hours later, I got nervous and went down to the trash room to find them. I couldn't. I am just going to have to trust that I will remember. I did the right things. And when I had the proof, I couldn't find it anyway. Had I found it, it would have meant nothing to anyone except me.

The meaning has to be inside. Living proof.


Bob G. said...

Every time you relate stories such as these...I see a part of myself in there.

And many times, the best way we view ourselves is NOT by the reflection in the mirror, but by the reflections of other people.

Have a marvelous weekend, dear.

Ann T. said...

Dear Bob,
I'm tearing up a little, to meet such understanding. Thank you.

The Bug said...

I posted on another blog yesterday that we usually know our worth in our heads, but it's the rest of ourselves who don't get it. And apparently, despite what we often think, the head isn't really in charge. So I guess your goal & mine is to know in our hearts and souls & in our bodies that we are people of worth and that we have done the right things and that we deserve to be happy.

If you figure it out, let me know, okay?

Spark Check said...

Letting go of the past is always a heavy task. A friend of mine once told me that if you clutch on to the past, you can't embrace the future.

I don't know if any of that applies to your situation, but for some reason that's what came to mind after reading your posts about your closet cleaning.

I hope you find renewed strength after you complete your mission. :-)

Momma Fargo said...

What a great post, Ann T. I put myself right in there with you. Very grand the way you gave a picture through your words. Take care! Have a great weekend!

The Observer said...

Ann T:
I am not sure what you meant to mean with your photo. For me, it brought to mind the cloud report from Ahab's servant when the prophet Elijah wanted reports after his prayer for rain to break a drought. This is recorded in the Old Testament 1 Kings 18:
41 And Elijah said to Ahab, "Go, eat and drink, for there is the sound of a heavy rain." 42 So Ahab went off to eat and drink, but Elijah climbed to the top of Carmel, bent down to the ground and put his face between his knees.

43 "Go and look toward the sea," he told his servant. And he went up and looked.
"There is nothing there," he said.
Seven times Elijah said, "Go back."

44 The seventh time the servant reported, "A cloud as small as a man's hand is rising from the sea."
So Elijah said, "Go and tell Ahab, 'Hitch up your chariot and go down before the rain stops you.' " NIV

Perhaps now a bit of a personal drought is broken?

And "dittos" to the comments above!

The Observer

Ann T. said...

Dear The Bug,
Those are some very wise words you have related. And I think it's true: my mind is pretty good, but it hasn't been in charge of my personal life.

I will definitely stay in touch, any small things I learn are going to show up!

Thanks for the compassion. I appreciate it very much.

Ann T.

Ann T. said...

Dear Spark Check,
I don't think you were around at the first part of all this: when my husband died, there was so much to take care of on the business end. By the time I got to the emotional side, everyone expected me to be over it.

So, as The Bug said, we can pretend to be over it--but it has been tripping me up ever since. Cleaning this closet was a good revisit of the past, affirming, and Yes!--

A way to move forward. Thanks for the insights! Both you and Yellow have been advocating a pared-down approach. I took those words to heart!

Dan said we removed enough paper to make up a piece of furniture. LOL!

Thank you, I heard you for sure.
Ann T.

Ann T. said...

Dear Momma Fargo,
Thank you for the support! I am so lucky in the insight of my friends!

Ann T.

Ann T. said...

Dear The Observer,
What an interesting set of quotes! I must confess that I find them very germane.

It has been a personal drought. Although when I posted the picture, I was thinking, small obstructions, new starts, things going away. Not completely empty.

But yes, it is also the beginning of new possibilities!

Thank You!
Ann T.