Wednesday, December 1, 2010


I hardly know how to come back. I guess first I will say I am okay.

I fell down a rabbit hole. I think it is the fault of that damn closet--so close to perfect, with other things not so much, and I got tired. The only thing that got me out was that my sister was coming for a week's vacation, and I knew I had to be presentable.  So of course the week before she came I could hardly talk. And not blog either.

You could say her coming also tripped me down that damned hole, even though I wanted to see her very much.

I knew I was presentable, but I didn't believe I was (if you get that, I think you will). And the house needs work.  Although really it's an attitude adjustment. You know.

So instead of adjusting the house or my attitude,  I wrote a Western novel, and I thought about Momma Fargo and Bob G. the whole time I was writing it. I finished it the weeks after my sister left. 65,000 words--set in Arizona Territory--I think it's good.

Still haven't sent it out.

I wanted to send it to you guys, and see if it was any good. I thought about it for weeks.  I thought about peedee all through October because I was going to visit her in Sunny Florida, but I couldn't even answer the phone. Every time I fixed lunch I thought it would be a better meal if I was hanging out with Mrs. Fuzz and every time I saw a cute dress I wanted The Bug and Gia to see it too. But I had to get through a week of close familial scrutiny first.

It was good my sister came. She thought I looked wow, and everybody who saw us thought I was the younger one (not true, and I don't know why she asks people this, because somebody always has to suffer over the answer). But I love her dearly, my very good sister, who lived through thick and thin with me, back in the day when we had no power. There aren't any words for how I feel about her.

We talked a lot. A lot, a lot, a lot. And she was fairly cheerful to rest on the bed instead of the sofa I am supposed to have but don't (the cats scratched it to hell, you understand).  And I even managed to fix a huge dinner for her and my b-i-l. We ate it on the roof deck, and it was pretty grand. Big salad, chicken, you know--nothing extraordinary. Just the first dinner I've fixed for anyone in seven years or maybe more.  We went to all the Memorials, the museum, we walked and I scandalized her by treating taxicabs as reliable transportation (although we mostly took public transit). We wore ourselves out by day, and I was insomniac by night, but it was good she came and we had fun.

I knew my pre-arranged National Firefighter's Week stuff came out, and I thought about Joe Schmoe. I thought about Sandra and Raindog and Christopher, I thought about Slam, and everyone really. I was angry at myself on September 30 and October 31, not keeping up with the memorial posts I do. I will do those later, and put them into the blog. Because even though I didn't write, I didn't forget.

So. I was coming back, a lot sooner than this. And you know, it is hard to write this post, because I know I haven't been a good friend.   I want to say I'm sorry. I haven't even read your letters yet; haven't read the comments; don't know how much I've failed everyone. I've been afraid to do it. This post is what you call the first step.

So, I was coming back, a lot sooner than this. But since November started, there has been Zombie War for sure, and they opened a second front of attack. Suffice it to say there is a warrant out for one of our Zombies, and he is still at large. (No, he didn't kill anyone--later. Later.)

I'm going to read your letters--then I'll be back. I missed you all terribly. I'll be writing people back over the next few days, and catching up on your blogs. It's going to take me awhile.

I have missed you all so much. I'll be writing soon.


Yellow said...

Yippy! that's all i got for now...

The Bug said...

I'll add my yippee & raise it a hallelujah. I thought you had died, I won't lie, and though what did happen was probably pretty hard, I'm glad you're not dead :)

Momma Fargo said...

So glad you are back, Ann T. We all missed you dearly!

Slamdunk said...

Welcome back Ann T. The blogging world is a much better place with your insights.

Carolina Linthead said...

I second all of the above! I missed you. Glad you're okay, and welcome back!

Bob G. said...

Just got my first good Christmas gift in a LONG time.

I know some of those rabbit holes can be very deep.

I (along with everyone here) am so relieved to know that you're still with us.
And never doubt the level of strength you have within you...
(that's what Guardian Angels get paid all that O/T for)

Welcome back!

mrs. fuzz said...

Thank goodness you are back! I've been worried a bit and I've missed you! I've had a couple of months like that as well. You gotta do what you gotta do sometimes, but know that you were missed.

The Observer said...

Ann T:

Add me to the legion of the thrilled and relieved!

Don't worry, or beat yourself up, about "being a bad friend." Stuff happens, and we can't always keep on what I call the "church face"--the false "fine fine." Coming back isn't easy, but it is the best thing, especially when the people who care have their arms open for you--as clearly the above comments indicate that they do.

Love and Blessings

The Observer

Spark Check said...

Well I'm glad to see you're still alive and kicking! I hope December brings you out of the rabbit hole and on to brighter days. :-)

Ann T. said...

Dear Everyone,
Thank you so much for all the kind words! I am humbled and amazed!

Ann T.

Gia's Spot said...

Gia breaths a sigh of relief and holds out her hand, like Pooh, you never have to walk alone.............

Lt (you should know who) said...

First, you don't get off so easy with me, young lady. Do you understand how worried I was? Do you understand the logical conclusions a cop comes to, given the evidence provided? Drops off the face of the (blog) earth, doesn't answer emails, pre-written posts still pop up. Jeeeesh.

That said, I'm thankful you're back.

Ann T. said...

Dear Gia, and the LT I should know:

I didn't expect instant forgiveness. Figured everyone would be gone by now. I figure I have created a lot of trust issues. And I don't know what else to say, because, I don't want to compound my sins with excuses.

I'm glad to be back. Glad you are still speaking, even if it's a Jeeesh.

I stutter now, almost, when I talk. Still plan to be back.

Thanks for the good wishes, the pop on the head, and the arms.

Ann T.

Sandra said...

Don't for a minure think you have failed anyone, because you haven't. That you needed time away from blogging, even if it was a sudden departure from our perspective, simply means you are human.

That said, I'm very glad you are back - I second Lt's comment on thinking the worst!

Ann T. said...

Dear Sandra,
Thank you so very much. I am sorry I worried everyone--and knocked out by the generosity, too.

Ann T.