Monday, December 27, 2010

The Poetry Bus: That Bad Gift

I nearly passed on this Poetry Bus, hosted by The Muse Swings. Because, you know: ingratitude and all that. But then I got an idea and started laughing. It's also perfectly true.

The Dregs of the Heirlooms

The gift that arrived in the mail
Was a heirloom from grandmother’s stash
And though dear granny had plenty of dough,
She never had very much class.
The necklace was orange with blue plastic discs;
It clashed with my sister’s attire.
O horrid necklace, o necklace so bad
What a tacky piece of crap that you are, you are
What a tacky piece of crap that you are!

The note that came on this Christmas gift
Said: This reminds me of you!
And with the wrapping unwrapped, and truth unveiled
My sister didn’t know what to do.
Stepmom doesn’t know me, or she doesn’t care
And how will I fake Christmas glee?
Oh horrid gift note, oh gift note so bad,
What a snarky little note that you be, you be,
What a snarky little fake pleasantry!

But now sister’s so pleased: she’s sending the thing
To the home of wise-cracking Ann T.
I’ll exchange it for some other horrid re-gift
At a party on Epiphany.
With luck, someone tacky will draw it in lots--
Or else we will laugh while they cringe!
Oh horrid necklace, o necklace so bad,
My sister will get her revenge, her revenge,
My sister will get her revenge.


Peter Goulding said...

Oh, absolutely wonderful. The Owl and the Pussycat reference lends it a piece of surreality. I'm not surprised you started laughing - I'm still laughing!

Mrs.Trellis said...

Nice that you could end up laughing at the event. I found laughter in the poem.

The Bug said...

LOL - what a lot of fun! I love that it's getting re-gifted in a hilarious way. :)

Bob G. said...

That is cute.

A gift that keeps ON giving, as it were.

Have a great week.

MuseSwings said...

What a delightful poem - it's always a wonderful poem that includes revenge and the word snarky! Enjoy the regifting and getting your revenge. That's what the holiday is all about, really. Thanks so much for riding along and giving us a great laugh!

Lucy Westenra said...

A satisfying onward-rushing rhythm and accurate rhymes. A nice, sardonic poem.

Ann T. said...

Dear Peter,
Thanks for stopping by and I'm glad you had a laugh! Peter, I enjoyed your poem very much.

Dear Mrs. Trellis and The Bug,
I think I was lucky this time. I will be stopping by to see what you may have done with this. Can't wait.

Ann T.

Ann T. said...

Dear Bob,
I think it was the note that set my sister off. The good thing about this in real life was that she called me--and then in the end we had a good laugh over it!

I read her the poem on Christmas day and she had another one! All's well on the family front, if you can laugh at the silly stuff.

Thanks, friend,

Ann T. said...

Dear Muse,
Thank you very much for hosting the Poetry Bus this week. I had a good time with it! And stop by any time.

Besides sending this poem to my sister, I also sent it to my host for Epiphany. I think he also got a laugh out of it!

I also want to say thanks to The Bug for making the Poetry Bus so darn attractive. It's very fun.

Ann T.

Ann T. said...

Dear Lucy,
I stopped by your blog and it's very beautiful. Thanks for coming by and I will be back!
Ann T.

Argent said...

Oh, what fun! I love the term "re-gift". I think it should come into popular parlance.

Kat Mortensen said...

Oh, do I get this! (I think I'm safely buried enough in the blogosphere to give out the info that my parents-in-law literally go around their house and pick out what they haven't used and wrap it up and give it as gifts. Every year. (They are anything but poor.)

This year they topped themselves with a Christmas bag full of groceries.

I was the recipient of some ghastly souvenir wooden jewelry from one of their tropical vacations. At least by writing this, you get your catharsis.

Good job!


Helen said...

A rollicking, rhythmic, funny poem this is .... this is!

Ann T. said...

Dear Argent,
I am glad you enjoyed! I look forward to seeing the word in the OED. Unfortunately, I don't believe I invented it!

Dear Kat,
Yes, one year I got a grocery gift certificate for Christmas. It seemed to be a comment, you know? Aw, ick!

Dear Helen,
I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Thanks to all for writing in!

Ann T.

The Observer said...

The Observer is late, but adds kudos. It made me ask myself: When was my most disappointing Christmas?

It was the Christmas when I was a child that I got mostly clothes--it looked like an "child improvement project".

I would have regifted it all!

Thanks for the poem Ann T--most excellently done!

Ann T. said...

Dear The Observer,
Oh, my gosh! I remember those Improving Christmases. They were always clothes from the Old Sears. My aversion is so complete I never shop at the New Sears.

I do sympathize!
Thanks for stopping by to take a look!

Ann T.

Jinksy said...

It always helps to see the funny side of life! LOL

Ann T. said...

Dear Jinksy,
You are right!! I think once my sister had a good laugh, she was equal to her task of being gracious. It's like she got her power back!!!

ROFL! Works for me too!
Thanks for stopping in.

Ann T.